Your brain is an ingenious Meaning Making Machine. It’s always busy creating stories to interpret and explain everything that’s happening to you and around you.
It’s amazing, but true. You can direct your brain to search for evidence of whatever you wish to find. This is one of your innate superpowers.
So, use it to your advantage.
Build a reservoir of experiences that your brain can recognize as indisputable evidence that you have an awesome marriage.
Create an awesome marriage with small, intentional gestures. Often.
Small intentional gestures that show caring, thoughtfulness, and presence every day compound, creating a whole lot of love and connection.
Think of it like the effect compound interest has on growing your bank account.
The Magic Penny story explains the power of compound interest.
Answer this: Would you rather have one magic penny that doubles its value every day for the next 31 days or $1 million right now?
Are you thinking that a penny is pretty worthless? How much could doubling the value of pennies add up to in 31 days anyway?
Well, if I could double the value of one penny each day for 31 days, then I’d love me some pennies.
Who wouldn’t rather collect $10 million in 31 days rather than accept a measly $1 million today?
Creating “compound interest” in your marriage is a winning strategy to deepen love and connection.
When you make an intentional decision to bring little acts of lovin’ kindness to your marriage every day, the effect builds exponentially.
Of course, the BIG things are important too. That night out on the town to celebrate your birthday. The Caribbean cruise in honor of your anniversary. That week at the beach resort. They’re all wonderful opportunities to renew your loving feelings and make love last.
But you’re reading this post today. Think of it as a love note to you, a gentle reminder to do and appreciate the SIMPLE, LITTLE THINGS.
They REALLY do add up to create an awesome marriage.
Small, intentional gestures are the love hacks that provide fast, easy wins.
It takes just minutes, seconds even, to show thoughtfulness and kindness to your man.
Greet him in person when either of you returns home.
Share a 10 second hug.
Check to see if his favorite foods or beverages are running low and add them to your shopping list.
Leave a tiny love note tucked away for a surprise discovery. My friend’s husband left sweet love notes tucked beneath the windshield wiper of her car or in her lingerie drawer.
My husband likes to “doctor” commercial greeting cards by adding words and phrases unique to us and our relationship.
What’s one little thing you could you do today to show your husband you’re thinking of him with love? Can you think of 5 little things you could do today?
Prioritize daily rituals of connection.
In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s way too easy to take your partner for granted.
Plan for daily discussions or check-ins. Make this a no judgement zone. No trying to solve problems or assigning blame. Just focus on decompressing from the stresses and strains of the day and celebrate each other’s wins, however small.
Keep technology off the table during your check-ins. But be sure to use it freely during the day to send positive, loving messages to reinforce your sense of connection.
Develop an abbreviation code that you both understand and text it when you’re thinking of him. We send a simple ILU via text or email and we both know that means.
John Gottman suggests that couples share a six-second kiss each day. He likes to say, “A six-second kiss is a kiss with potential.”
Apologies matter even if you’ve hurt your husband’s feeling accidentally.
Studies suggest that couples who apologize when they’ve hurt their partner’s feelings, even if done accidentally, and those who grant forgiveness have more successful marriages.
Apologizing and taking responsibility is an antidote to defensiveness.
When you can make repair attempts, like apologizing after an argument, it helps decrease tension increase your sense of connection.
While you are in no way responsible for your husband’s thoughts and feelings, you are invested and interested in his well-being and the well-being of your relationship.
Do helpful things that enhance your interdependence.
This can include helping him complete tasks, running an errand, or finishing a project.
Turn towards your partner as much as possible to create that 5:1 ratio of positive interactions to negative interactions that’s a minimum baseline to keep your relationship strong.
Small daily kindnesses are the most important gestures of connection.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Embrace the notion that in order for your marriage to thrive, you need to pay attention to each other on a regular basis and intentionally turn towards each other’s bids for connection.
According to Dr. Gottman, nonverbal bids include:
- Affectionate touching, such as a hand-holding, a pat, a squeeze, a kiss, a hug, hair smoothing, or a back/shoulder rub.
- Facial expressions, such as smiling, blowing a kiss, rolling your eyes, or playful pouting.
- Playful touching, such as tickling, bopping, wrestling, dancing, or a gentle bump or shove.
- Affiliating gestures, such as opening a door, offering a place to sit, handing over a utensil, or pointing to a shared activity or interest.
- Vocalizing, such as laughing, chuckling, grunting, sighing, or groaning in a way that invites interaction or interest.
How much compound interest are you generating through small but consistent loving gestures every day?
Are you finding it challenging?
Is it difficult to turn toward your husband when difficult relationships in your stepfamily are trying your last nerve?
Are you ready to turn your relationship around and reap the rewards of “compound interest”?
Reach out to me right here so we can get started sooner rather than later.
Please share this blog post with someone you know who could benefit from this message.